My MS Haiku

vast cool open grey

its power envelops me

settle into calm

(c) 2012 Christie Germans

Subtract Negative for More Positive

“Every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive”.

I would love to say that I am the type of MSer who always focuses on the positive wearing rose colored glasses while holding the proverbial glass of water that is indeed half full. Yet, sometimes I have bad days and the negative seeps in and before I know it I am wearing very dark sunglasses while holding a completely empty glass of water.

Why? Well, first I am not positively perfect. I get cranky. I have bad days. Sometimes I am sad. Sometimes I am angry. Sometimes I am just not in the mood to see the bright side of things. Ever have these kinds of days? It happens. For me these days come up when I do not feel good, when those pesky lesions along my spinal cord cause me a little more grief.

During these moments, I grow resentment towards my MS and I find it difficult to sway towards the positive. I resent the fact that, sometimes, my MS keeps me from doing things that I want to do. When I feel my hand flares up with pins and needles, I do not feel like drawing. When my legs get super wonky, I do not feel like riding my bicycle. When my optic neuritis flares up, I just want to close my eyes. When I am fatigued, I simply do not want to do anything at all. I want to yell at my MS because of this. &%$! You MS! Luckily for me, these moments are usually short lived. It’s not my nature to be so angry and negative yet I do need reminders that it is okay once in awhile to feel these emotions.

How do I deal? Sometimes I simply bid ‘farewell’ to the day, go to sleep and wake up to a new day. I start over. I welcome the day with fresh eyes that allow me to see the negative that I can get rid of and this opens up my life to make a bit more room for the positive. Corny, I know. But for me it works.

C