“Every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive”.
I would love to say that I am the type of MSer who always focuses on the positive wearing rose colored glasses while holding the proverbial glass of water that is indeed half full. Yet, sometimes I have bad days and the negative seeps in and before I know it I am wearing very dark sunglasses while holding a completely empty glass of water.
Why? Well, first I am not positively perfect. I get cranky. I have bad days. Sometimes I am sad. Sometimes I am angry. Sometimes I am just not in the mood to see the bright side of things. Ever have these kinds of days? It happens. For me these days come up when I do not feel good, when those pesky lesions along my spinal cord cause me a little more grief.
During these moments, I grow resentment towards my MS and I find it difficult to sway towards the positive. I resent the fact that, sometimes, my MS keeps me from doing things that I want to do. When I feel my hand flares up with pins and needles, I do not feel like drawing. When my legs get super wonky, I do not feel like riding my bicycle. When my optic neuritis flares up, I just want to close my eyes. When I am fatigued, I simply do not want to do anything at all. I want to yell at my MS because of this. &%$! You MS! Luckily for me, these moments are usually short lived. It’s not my nature to be so angry and negative yet I do need reminders that it is okay once in awhile to feel these emotions.
How do I deal? Sometimes I simply bid ‘farewell’ to the day, go to sleep and wake up to a new day. I start over. I welcome the day with fresh eyes that allow me to see the negative that I can get rid of and this opens up my life to make a bit more room for the positive. Corny, I know. But for me it works.